2012-01-04

It's been so long that I've published that I actually had to spend some time looking for the "new post" button.

Last month was such a whirl wind of activity that for the first time in this blogs history I didn't publish at least one post.  Besides going to parties and getting ready for Christmas I ended up signing a lease on an apartment that has some amazing view of the river and downtown Saskatoon.  I will have to post a picture of the view soon.

It seems like this time of year should be spent reflecting on the important/major events from last year but with the move and settling into a new place most of the time my mind is preoccupied with envisioning my future here.  I have a lot of good memories spent with friends from this past year and a lot of times and events that were hard to endure.  Maybe the move has made me look at the past with rose colored glasses, but I think because of those hard times I have left last year with a deeper faith, better clarity of who I am meant to be, and what I love to do.

A friend of mine asked me the other day if I had any resolutions, and I hadn't really thought about it too much.  But after listening to a leadership podcast about Mission Statements which is essentially writing out exactly what you want out of life, I realized that if I want to live the life that I envision, I need to be more intentional in how I live on a daily basis.  The other two things that resonated with me was the point that people who accomplish things decide in advance how they spend their time, and that success is direction.  So hopefully this weekend I can get the mountain of boxes out of the house and carve out a little time to make a "time" budget and make sure I spend time in my week getting to that place that I envision myself to be in.

For those of you who make resolutions or goals I wish you the courage to define and pursue your dreams and the tenacity to continue on until you arrive.

Happy 2012!

~b~

My weekend.

This past weekend was one of those times that I wished I could bottle up the memories and feelings and  save them for later.  It was a crazy busy weekend.  Here are some of the highlights:

V/A CD Release Party

Not only was the performance stellar, but I absolutely LOVED the cover songs that were played: The Killers, My Body (Young the Giant), and Kings of Leon (my favorite band).

I also like how Aaron looks holographic in this picture:

Victoria Awake CD Release Party

Birthday Breakfast

Having a birthday breakfast with my friend and her children.  I've known my friend for the past ten years and I have to many memories of her and the kids.  It makes it a little hard to see them growing up.  sniff. . . 

Happy Sweet 16 Teagie

Going to a Masquerade Tea Party

This was a last minute invite and I'm glad I went.  It was fun to dress up, meet new people, and hang out with people I don't get to see that often.

Dressing up and wearing masks.  

Candy Cane Nails

My friend has been getting her nails lately, and the art is always amazing, this time she got candy cane nails:

Ang . . . will you marry me?

Yippee for Brothers!!


Especially, the super strong handsome, owns a truck kind of brother.

On Saturday my brother drove out to Tisdale and picked up a brand new mattress set and frame that my Grandparents were giving to Davin.  He stopped by in the afternoon, took out the old set, brought the new set up to Davins room and even stayed to set it up.  He made everything look so easy.  It would have taken me all afternoon the get this done, and I'd be exhausted at the end.  I'm sure I'm boring you, but  I am so thankful that he did this for me and Davin.  

Having a brother who is 6'3" and works on the rigs is handy.

Mumford Sunday

On Sunday morning the worship team at my church put on a special Mumford and Sons sunday worship.  It. was. awesome.

I'm really glad I decided to drive home at the last minute and grab my camera.

I had such a great weekend this past weekend.  It was filled with great music, hanging out with friends, and lots of laughs.  I think I might be a bit crazy to consider finding a job in another city.  To be honest, it's made me consider what I make important in my life.  

~b~

RANDOM!! A pictorial account of my recent wanderings and whereabouts as documented by my iPhone.

I'm pretty sure I promised a blog post days ago.  Here it is.

I had a last minute invite to see Keith and Renee, an opening act to bluessmyths at Lydias.  The music was so good that I ended up staying a lot later than I planned on.

bluessmyth at Lydia's

Sometimes when I'm at the bar at the end of the night, I wonder if the guys see me like this:

I suspect the the occurrence of good conversations will be inversely proportional to smartphone use.  

I planned a nice meal to eat with my son and then he stood me up!  I couldn't find anyone to come over at the last minute, but I made it anyway.  Eating alone sucks.

Quinoa Stuffed Red Peppers, Chicken with Butter and Chives and Garlic Bread.

I took this picture over a month ago.  I had a last minute supper invite and I'm glad I went.  I felt like it was the holidays with everyone crowded at the table.  We ate delicious food and even had dessert.  Good food is even better when it is shared.  

A variety of Ice Cream Toppings.  

~b~

On waiting

A friend of mine spoke on Sunday about waiting and I could really relate when she said that we all experience waiting.  I feel like I'm in perpetual waiting, in all areas of my life - my career, my health, for love.  It seems that every time I set goals, make a plan, and set out to achieve that goal, something happens.  I feel like I'm Jack Sparrow stuck in Davey Jones locker.

And yet, I truly believe that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be right now.  

I read a blog post by Paul Tripp yesterday and can really identify when he says "waiting is not only about what you will receive at the end of the wait.  Waiting is about what you will become as you wait" and that "personal heart and life change is seldom a sudden event.  Usually it is a process".  

I'm not really sure how I have changed since my illness and surgery last year, but I have.   I think after weeks of being sick I can get rather dramatic and at some point I decided to "arise from sleep" and live life.  

Here are some of the things that resulted from my last waiting:

• I decided to stop living a life based on fear.  Before my illness and surgery, I would have never went tubing, tried to waterski, ziplined, and especially ask to speak in front of a group.

• I began the pursuit of wisdom.  This has meant that I have stopped trying to get people to tell me what to do and have started making my own choices.  It has meant I have been trying to make the best decisions I can and it has resulted in a confidence of the decisions I make. 

• I have been more obedient to the prompting of my heart.  I would have never written this post, or ask to share in front of Journeys before the beginning of this year.  

• I have decided to quit living someone else's vision of life and try to figure out who I really am.

I was thinking this weekend how my life is kinda like the treasure hunts my mother would make for me at my birthday parties.  We started with one little clue that told us where to look for the next clue.  As soon as we would find the that clue and read it, off we would race to get the next clue.  How boring would the game have been if she would have just handed us a piece of paper that showed us where the treasure was.  

I think my clue simply says:  WAIT.  But this time, instead of getting angry and trying to move forward anyway (which I usually do), or get mopey and depressed (which I also do as well), I am simply going to try my best to wait and to pay attention, because I don't want miss getting handed the next clue. 

~b~

Randoms: From Turban Squashes to Robot Coffee Makers

This is Mr. Turban Squash.  We picked him up in Keremeos, BC at a roadside market.  He made his debut on Facebook when our van broke down in Golden.  When we finally arrived in Canmore, I took him for a walk and on a whim, decided to take his portrait:

Mr. Turban Squash is watching the Canmore traffic drive by on an overcast fall day.

Opportunities

I decided to start saying yes to more opportunities outside of work that come my way and stop worrying about my career for a while.  Then my co-worker showed me a job posting which would basically be a lateral move into a position in Ottawa, but at a higher pay level.  I just found out I've been accepted in the selection process, so I guess I have some studying to do.

My friend Aaron and his band Victoria Awake are releasing an album called If You'll Have Me at the end of November.  I saw them play at Lydia's and am definitely looking forward to their CD release party.




Last week I was feeling a bit better so I worked on eating 5 small meals a day since I often can't eat a regular meal, or not at all in the evenings.  This week I'm going to figure out just how much I can reasonably do in a day.  I still want to enjoy life, despite my pain, but I can't push myself so hard that I make things worse.  I hope I am pleasantly surprised at just how much I can do.

My son told me that some guy predicted that it would be common for humans to marry robots in 2050.  I told him that if I'm still single by then, I'd like to marry a coffee maker.

If anyone knows of a nice single coffee maker that is available, send him my way.  

~b~

I hesitate

I hesitate to write this post, but my blog posts pile up in my head like a queue and if I want to blog about my awesome trip to Rockridge Canyon and my hilariously terrifying adventure down a zip line I'd better get this one posted.

On Sickness

For the past month and a half I have been sick with the worst sinus infection ever (it must be true, just look at the italics).  This means constant headaches, constant fevers and no energy.  After multiple trips to the doctor's offices and three different antibiotics, my head felt like it was going to explode at work, and my ear infection was so bad I couldn't fall asleep because my ears were ringing so loudly.  I am so thankful that my headache finally stopped before my trip to B.C. last week.  Since I got home from B.C I've been experiencing some pain that seems to get worse every day (to the point where I need to take T3's to get through the day).  It sucks to realize that I will probably be sick for a while, and to not know why I am in so much pain, or why my immune system is so crappy.

I've never been direct about my faith on my blog before, but I can't imaging going through this past year without it and I can't seem to get this post out of my head.  So if God or faith makes you squeemy, you might want to skip the next paragraph or two.

Last year about this time I shared with my community at Journeys things I was learning.  One of the verses I shared was Habukuk 3:17-19, which I admitted I really didn't understand.  But I can say now I get it.  Here is the lowdown on the passage:  Everything sucks.  There is nothing and no hope for a future and yet Habbi (as I like to call him) looks outside his circumstances and rejoices and is joyful in God.  Habbi says that God gives him strength, he's like a deer, he's able to go up high mountains.  (This whole rejoices and joyful in God seemed so ridiculous to me).

After a year full of panic attacks, surgery, depression, and lots of sickness, I can definitely say that the only thing that can get me through the darkest nights of my soul is God.  Looking at the wrong things, like my immediate circumstances only brought fear and despair.  I thought I was just being melodramatic, but fear and despair is simply the product of looking to myself for control over my immediate circumstances.  But when I look outside my circumstances to God I see he is in absolute control and I believe he has a plan for me.  Seeing my situation in this way brings me such peace and comfort and all I want to do is praise and glorify God.  And I don't think that I could write that last sentence truthfully, until I had experienced all the muck and yuck in this past year.

I wish I could wrap this post up nicely by saying how peppy and energetic I felt, but that'd be a lie.  So for Round 2, I am simply going to Be Still, which is probably the hardest thing to do as I am such a doer and achiever.  To me, this means living in the moment in each day.  It means trusting that I will have the strength to get through each day and not worry about getting through tomorrow, or the next day, or next week.  It means instead of feeling stuck, I just need to see what I can do with the energy and opportunities I have on a daily basis.

And so this is how I choose to respond while I wait to get my health back:

• Adjust my plan.  I still have things I want to achieve, and there's no reason why I should give up and do nothing, I just need to adjust my approach into teeny weeny little steps, until I am strong enough to run in leaps and bounds.  

• Steward wisely.  I think it is easier sometimes to live with "less" (money/time/energy), because you are forced to be responsible and being wasteful could be disastrous.  There is little room for error.  I don't have the luxury of wasting my time or energy, I need to be spending my energy on the most important things.  I'm just happy if I can work a full day and come home and be a good mom.

It is inevitable that sometime in our life we will go through some really hard struggles, but if there is anything I learnt from my dad it is that I can have ongoing health problems in my life and still laugh, love, and enjoy life

~b~

Dreams. I am Mother. Groceries. And Other Random Thoughts

Lately my dreams have featured background music.  Last night it was Martin Sexton.  It was definitely a great way to wake up.  I won't bore you or confuse you with the details of my dream, but it included some biblical imagery.  Sorta.  Instead of the lion and the lamb, it was the wolf and the gopher.

Here is what's been going on the last few days in my world:

This is my son and I.  He calls me Mother.  As in: Mother drives me to school in the morning.  Or, Mother is sitting on the couch with me watching TV.  (He was talking with my mom).  I feel so regal when he calls me Mother.

I'm pretty sure I promised him I wouldn't share this photo, but I love how happy he looks.

Yesterday we ate lunch together and he told me that one of the EA's was going to start a club.

"Oh really?"  I said,  "is it going to be a Manchester club?"

"Kinda" my son replied.  "It's going to be a hairy chest club".

"How is that anything to do with Manchester?"  I asked him.

"You know"  he said: "Man-Chest-Hair".

Ha!


Yesterday I went to Costco and they made a big deal of running over and getting some boxes to pack my items.  This is how they pack my stuff:

Box 1: Lotion, Cheese, Spinach.  Box 2: Meat, Creamer, Butter.

Then this morning I stopped at Sobeys and when I got home I unpacked a bag.  It contained one litre of milk and one can of tomato soup.

Must be the new trend in groceries.

I'd better stop this post, or I'll have nothing to write about tomorrow.

~b~