Earlier this week I got a call from my son. He had become light headed in the bathroom that morning and unfortunately fell in such a way that his muscle cramped up. I guess he was stuck lying on the bathroom for the whole morning before he could get up and call me.
After a visit to the doctor that afternoon followed by a blood test, he seemed to be fine. And that made me feel fine, until I heard the message from the doctors office the next day requesting we come back in to review the results.
My mild anxiety slowly increased as we drove to the doctors office and by the time we got there I was a wreck. During the drive across the city I was trying to keep calm, as to not upset my son while simultaneously I was annoyed at his lacksidasical attitude towards the whole thing.
You'd think after 15 years of parenting in which my son has: ingested a poisonous substance, broken his arm while on vacation and needed surgery to have a pin put in, and who required a week stay in the hospital due to renal failure, that I would be able to handle these kinds of things with ease. I have spent over half my lifetime watching my fathers' muscles destroyed by muscular dystrophy and yet I don't always realize that I have a complete and utter lack of control in these situations.
The return visit to the doctor turn out to be better news than I expected. It turns out my son is simply low on iron. This can be easily addressed by iron supplements, and eating iron-rich foods. I'm sure my son will be happy to be served more red meat!
Looking back, I'm left with these three thoughts:
Worrying gives me a divided mind (and a whole lot of stress!)
I've never been good at getting rid of stress and anxiety. On the way home I could feel all my stress and anxiety dwelling in my body like lactic acid buildup after an intense workout. I reacted in irritability to my sons choice in the radio station and again when he made trumpet sounds with his lips at me. Had I been truly in the present I would have been relieved that he was back to his old self again instead of reacting in annoyance.
Where my mind wanders will ultimately determine my reaction
As soon as my son phoned me at work I spent my time trying to find out from him what had happened . I tried to think of all the possible causes, like a recent medication change, or perhaps a repeat of his renal failure had occurred. My default reaction is to fix and control everything myself and as a result I ended up a twitchy, irritable mom who then went home and made and ate a ham and turkey melt and coke zero to make me feel all better. If I had just taken a moment at the very beginning to pray I wonder if I would have approached this situation with more peace and calmness.
My worry must be replaced with something else
During the drive to the doctors office I kept mentally chiding myself to not be anxious. But once I am worried, it is next to impossible for me to stop. Instead of worrying I need to bring it to God who is sovereign and who wants me to come to him with my worries.
Phillipians 4:6 (NLT)
Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
~b~
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