He Fell and He Couldn't Get Up

Earlier this week I got a call from my son.  He had become light headed in the bathroom that morning and unfortunately fell in such a way that his muscle cramped up.  I guess he was stuck lying on the bathroom for the whole morning before he could get up and call me. 

After a visit to the doctor that afternoon followed by a blood test, he seemed to be fine.  And that made me feel fine, until I heard the message from the doctors office the next day requesting we come back in to review the results.  

My mild anxiety slowly increased as we drove to the doctors office and by the time we got there I was a wreck.  During the drive across the city I was trying to keep calm, as to not upset my son while simultaneously I was annoyed at his lacksidasical attitude towards the whole thing.  

You'd think after 15 years of parenting in which my son has: ingested a poisonous substance, broken his arm while on vacation and needed surgery to have a pin put in, and who required a week stay in the hospital due to renal failure, that I would be able to handle these kinds of things with ease.  I have spent over half my lifetime watching my fathers' muscles destroyed by muscular dystrophy and  yet I don't always realize that I have a complete and utter lack of control in these situations.  

The return visit to the doctor turn out to be better news than I expected.  It turns out my son is simply low on iron.  This can be easily addressed by iron supplements, and eating iron-rich foods.  I'm sure my son will be happy to be served more red meat!

Looking back, I'm left with these three thoughts:

Worrying gives me a divided mind  (and a whole lot of stress!)

I've never been good at getting rid of stress and anxiety.  On the way home I could feel all my stress and anxiety dwelling in my body like lactic acid buildup after an intense workout.  I reacted in irritability to my sons choice in the radio station and again when he made trumpet sounds with his lips at me.  Had I been truly in the present I would have been relieved that he was back to his old self again instead of reacting in annoyance.  


Where my mind wanders will ultimately determine my reaction 

As soon as my son phoned me at work I spent my time trying to find out from him what had happened .  I tried to think of all the possible causes, like a recent medication change, or perhaps a repeat of his renal failure had occurred.  My default reaction is to fix and control everything myself and as a result I ended up a twitchy, irritable mom who then went home and made and ate a ham and turkey melt and coke zero to make me feel all better.  If I had just taken a moment at the very beginning to pray I wonder if I would have approached this situation with more peace and calmness.  


My worry must be replaced with something else

During the drive to the doctors office I kept mentally chiding myself to not be anxious.  But once I am worried, it is next to impossible for me to stop.  Instead of worrying I need to bring it to God who is sovereign and who wants me to come to him with my worries.

Phillipians 4:6 (NLT)

Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 

~b~

What Your Kids Have Taught Me

I am so blessed to have so many friends with children who have included me in their lives.  It's fun to goof off with kids when I play with them, especially because I don't have to worry about naps or dirty clothes, or sugar crashes.   I don't know what it is about kids, but I tend to be a little less filtered when I'm hanging out with them.  I don't worry about how loud I am, what I am laughing at, and especially what I look like.

Over the past few weeks as I have hung out with different children, I realized that for some reason they have "chosen" me to be their friend:

• The other weekend I got an invite to a hot dog roast, because my favourite 3 year old told her parents she wanted to invite me over to have hot dogs that night.

• I got to play soccer with the two-year old who recently learned my name and can now yell my name until I play soccer with him.  He likes to kick "hard" or "high".

• I connected with my friends niece at a dance recital the other week and now she likes to sit on my lap, hug me good-bye, and even ask me to blow her nose (oh lucky me!).

• On Saturday I ask my friends son to write out our names (I helped him spell mine) and he ended up adamantly denying that he had drawn a heart around our names (it was clearly a heart).

It's funny how special I feel when a child "chooses" me, because I don't think I've done anything special to warrant their extra attention.  And all my flaws and insecurities don't seem to matter to them.

What I have learned from your children is that giving love and attention first and unconditionally is the key to connection.

Connection seems so simple with children, they wear their heart on their sleeve, they give themselves first and seem to expect that their attention and love will be reciprocated.  Children act without worrying about getting rejected.  As an adult, I tend to protect myself- I want to know how someone feels about me first, before I respond.  But in that safety, I think I'm missing out on living a deeper, fuller life.

So I guess the question I have is:

Can I step out from playing life safe and into the uncertainty of vulnerability?


~b~

Leap Year Day

This post really has nothing to do with leap year day, but I thought that I should write a blog post to commemorate this rare day.

* * *

I think I might have seasonal affective disorder, so today I went for a walk on my coffee break to boost my vitamin D levels.  But instead of noticing the birds singing in the trees and the hot sun warming my jacket and melting the snow I realized that my face was the only surface area of skin that could absorb vitamin D.  And then I spent the rest of the walk optimizing my vitamin D intact.

Here's what I came up with:

Ways to optimize vitamin D absorption while walking

• Use other surface area of skin ie.  my hands.   Its too bad we live in such a cold climate that all our jackets cover up our skin.

• Optimize my walking route to fully maximize sun exposure by trying to face the sun as much as possible.  

• Change the time of day to get the fullest intensity of sunlight.

I have no idea why I just can't go for a walk and notice the birds like everybody else without trying to optimize everything.

* * *


Here's a picture of me that shows my propensity for reading books and learning.  I think I'm trying to figure out my brothers lego, so he'll let me help him put it together.

I think I'm four, thus my Dora styled haircut was not a decision I made.

Happy Leap Year Day

~b~

A long day.

I had a meeting today in Regina today.  I gotta say, 5 am is really early when you usually start work at 9.

I don't know if it was the fact that I had to spend 5 hours of small talk as we travelled between cities, or that I had to be assertive in presenting my ideas to the other board members or participating in a long conference call when I find it a struggle to listen to people talk, but I am exhausted.

We had some time to kill before we returned so two of us walked over to the downtown mall.

I ended up getting some loose leaf tea from Davids Tea which is ironically called forever nuts.

Here are some pics from my iPhone:

One of my favorite parts of today was being able to make a contact that has access to many different networks of people.  I had been asked earlier this year to be a mentor to some students from my diploma program and I'm looking forward to seeing what I can do, or how I can bridge these two contacts together.  

 I also really enjoyed listening to the lab director describe how he is settling into his life here (he moved from Ontario).  He bought an acreage with 80 acres and is working towards living out his dreams of living that type of lifestyle.  As in buying chickens and roosters type of living.  I love listening and watching people living our their dreams.

~b~

What I've Been Reading Lately

I just starting reading The Emperor of all Maladies.  

Ever since reading the Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks my interested has been piqued in health related books.  As I've been reading this book, I've found so many different things fascinating.   Learning of how historical care practices from doctors, who with the best of intentions, but lack of knowledge was really horrific and macabre for the patients.  There really is a fine line between human trials and human experiments that was probably crossed with the best intentions.  

I have to confess, I really know nothing about cancer, with so many different types of cancer, I really didn't know what cancer really was.  I'm so ignorant, I didn't even know that oncology was until I started reading this book.  And I guess that makes be lucky  but I'm retiscent to talk about all the things I've been reading, because I've seen how hard it is for families when I family member has cancer.  So I will leave you with one thing I found interesting.

One interesting thing

When the humoral theory was proposed, with the different fluids of the body (black bile, phlegm, yellow bile, and blood), the only disease that was attributed to black bile was cancer and depression.  I wonder if its because the symptoms of either manifest in a variety of different ways, or that people often look fine on the outside, but are well aware of their "condition" on the inside.  Or that those closest to a person with depression and cancer are also affected by the disease.  

 I'm also reading an interesting article that explores the correlation between your gut microbiota and your metabolism.  This kind of article is a little outside my field of knowledge, but its still pretty interesting, and so far I can grasp what it's saying without googling any of the big words.  

The article is talking about how the gut microbial community has more microorganisms that in the body by "two orders of magnitude".  In my mind I have a tiny universe of microorganisms living inside my gut helping my body with biochemical and metabolic stuff.  Kinda like the locker in Men In Black that holds an entire universe:

 

~b~

In the Kitchen

Last night I made this for supper:

Carrots and Lentils in Olive Oil

The recipe it not only healthy (it uses 4 cups of sliced carrots and has 12 grams of fiber in one serving), it is really delicious too.

I also made a red velvet cake too last night, so I could make this:

Red Velvet Trifle with layers of cool whip,  chocolate fudge pudding, raspberries, and skor bits.

 My favorite part about making a trifle is you can bake a cake and eat bits of it too, and no one will ever know.

~b~

A Glimpse into My World

Last year my son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS which stands for Pervasive Development Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified.  It's really just a long fancy sounding name that means he has symptoms that fall under the autism spectrum.  This means that, among other difficulties, it is harder for him to connect socially with others, so most of you probably don't know him like I do.  Which is unfortunate, because he is really quite funny.

So this post is some of the ways he has made me laughed this past month.

My son saw this when we made a late night trip to Walmart:

He pointed it out to me and thought I should buy it.  So that when I got married I wouldn't have to "ascribe to traditional gender roles".  I don't know where he even gets this kind of language from, but I'm glad he's looking out for me!


I came home from work on Monday and my son asked me if I had any dreams lately.  Then he proceeded to tell me that he had a dream that he was "that wrestler, Macho Man Sandy Ravage".

OHHH YEEAHH!!!

  

Sandy Ravage???  SANDY RAVAGE!!!  I couldn't stop laughing and kept on repeating Sandy Ravage, and asking him where he had even heard of Randy Savage.

And then the funniest part of the whole situation was when I calmed down from laughing and he said:

"Actually, I didn't have a dream of  Randy Savage . . . I made the whole thing up."  And then with a bit of reflection, he said . . . "I don't know why I just made that up."

I don't know why he made it up either, but it was pretty funny.  Funny and weird.

My son had to write some poems for his English class.  One commented on the current economic situation.  Another one was about Smelly Pete, who takes bathes in expired milk.

Here are two of my favorite poems he has written:

A Haiku

Loopy Lorenzo
lost his marbles and his hair
oh what a dispair!

A Tanka

Dreary and drunk Dan
slurs, stutters, and stumbles around
the streets of Boston
he searches his bag for booze
Why is the rum always gone?

I'm not too sure what inspired him to create characters like Smelly Pete, Loopy Lorenzo, and dreary and drunk Dan, but I like it!

~b~

2012-01-04

It's been so long that I've published that I actually had to spend some time looking for the "new post" button.

Last month was such a whirl wind of activity that for the first time in this blogs history I didn't publish at least one post.  Besides going to parties and getting ready for Christmas I ended up signing a lease on an apartment that has some amazing view of the river and downtown Saskatoon.  I will have to post a picture of the view soon.

It seems like this time of year should be spent reflecting on the important/major events from last year but with the move and settling into a new place most of the time my mind is preoccupied with envisioning my future here.  I have a lot of good memories spent with friends from this past year and a lot of times and events that were hard to endure.  Maybe the move has made me look at the past with rose colored glasses, but I think because of those hard times I have left last year with a deeper faith, better clarity of who I am meant to be, and what I love to do.

A friend of mine asked me the other day if I had any resolutions, and I hadn't really thought about it too much.  But after listening to a leadership podcast about Mission Statements which is essentially writing out exactly what you want out of life, I realized that if I want to live the life that I envision, I need to be more intentional in how I live on a daily basis.  The other two things that resonated with me was the point that people who accomplish things decide in advance how they spend their time, and that success is direction.  So hopefully this weekend I can get the mountain of boxes out of the house and carve out a little time to make a "time" budget and make sure I spend time in my week getting to that place that I envision myself to be in.

For those of you who make resolutions or goals I wish you the courage to define and pursue your dreams and the tenacity to continue on until you arrive.

Happy 2012!

~b~

My weekend.

This past weekend was one of those times that I wished I could bottle up the memories and feelings and  save them for later.  It was a crazy busy weekend.  Here are some of the highlights:

V/A CD Release Party

Not only was the performance stellar, but I absolutely LOVED the cover songs that were played: The Killers, My Body (Young the Giant), and Kings of Leon (my favorite band).

I also like how Aaron looks holographic in this picture:

Victoria Awake CD Release Party

Birthday Breakfast

Having a birthday breakfast with my friend and her children.  I've known my friend for the past ten years and I have to many memories of her and the kids.  It makes it a little hard to see them growing up.  sniff. . . 

Happy Sweet 16 Teagie

Going to a Masquerade Tea Party

This was a last minute invite and I'm glad I went.  It was fun to dress up, meet new people, and hang out with people I don't get to see that often.

Dressing up and wearing masks.  

Candy Cane Nails

My friend has been getting her nails lately, and the art is always amazing, this time she got candy cane nails:

Ang . . . will you marry me?

Yippee for Brothers!!


Especially, the super strong handsome, owns a truck kind of brother.

On Saturday my brother drove out to Tisdale and picked up a brand new mattress set and frame that my Grandparents were giving to Davin.  He stopped by in the afternoon, took out the old set, brought the new set up to Davins room and even stayed to set it up.  He made everything look so easy.  It would have taken me all afternoon the get this done, and I'd be exhausted at the end.  I'm sure I'm boring you, but  I am so thankful that he did this for me and Davin.  

Having a brother who is 6'3" and works on the rigs is handy.

Mumford Sunday

On Sunday morning the worship team at my church put on a special Mumford and Sons sunday worship.  It. was. awesome.

I'm really glad I decided to drive home at the last minute and grab my camera.

I had such a great weekend this past weekend.  It was filled with great music, hanging out with friends, and lots of laughs.  I think I might be a bit crazy to consider finding a job in another city.  To be honest, it's made me consider what I make important in my life.  

~b~

RANDOM!! A pictorial account of my recent wanderings and whereabouts as documented by my iPhone.

I'm pretty sure I promised a blog post days ago.  Here it is.

I had a last minute invite to see Keith and Renee, an opening act to bluessmyths at Lydias.  The music was so good that I ended up staying a lot later than I planned on.

bluessmyth at Lydia's

Sometimes when I'm at the bar at the end of the night, I wonder if the guys see me like this:

I suspect the the occurrence of good conversations will be inversely proportional to smartphone use.  

I planned a nice meal to eat with my son and then he stood me up!  I couldn't find anyone to come over at the last minute, but I made it anyway.  Eating alone sucks.

Quinoa Stuffed Red Peppers, Chicken with Butter and Chives and Garlic Bread.

I took this picture over a month ago.  I had a last minute supper invite and I'm glad I went.  I felt like it was the holidays with everyone crowded at the table.  We ate delicious food and even had dessert.  Good food is even better when it is shared.  

A variety of Ice Cream Toppings.  

~b~

On waiting

A friend of mine spoke on Sunday about waiting and I could really relate when she said that we all experience waiting.  I feel like I'm in perpetual waiting, in all areas of my life - my career, my health, for love.  It seems that every time I set goals, make a plan, and set out to achieve that goal, something happens.  I feel like I'm Jack Sparrow stuck in Davey Jones locker.

And yet, I truly believe that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be right now.  

I read a blog post by Paul Tripp yesterday and can really identify when he says "waiting is not only about what you will receive at the end of the wait.  Waiting is about what you will become as you wait" and that "personal heart and life change is seldom a sudden event.  Usually it is a process".  

I'm not really sure how I have changed since my illness and surgery last year, but I have.   I think after weeks of being sick I can get rather dramatic and at some point I decided to "arise from sleep" and live life.  

Here are some of the things that resulted from my last waiting:

• I decided to stop living a life based on fear.  Before my illness and surgery, I would have never went tubing, tried to waterski, ziplined, and especially ask to speak in front of a group.

• I began the pursuit of wisdom.  This has meant that I have stopped trying to get people to tell me what to do and have started making my own choices.  It has meant I have been trying to make the best decisions I can and it has resulted in a confidence of the decisions I make. 

• I have been more obedient to the prompting of my heart.  I would have never written this post, or ask to share in front of Journeys before the beginning of this year.  

• I have decided to quit living someone else's vision of life and try to figure out who I really am.

I was thinking this weekend how my life is kinda like the treasure hunts my mother would make for me at my birthday parties.  We started with one little clue that told us where to look for the next clue.  As soon as we would find the that clue and read it, off we would race to get the next clue.  How boring would the game have been if she would have just handed us a piece of paper that showed us where the treasure was.  

I think my clue simply says:  WAIT.  But this time, instead of getting angry and trying to move forward anyway (which I usually do), or get mopey and depressed (which I also do as well), I am simply going to try my best to wait and to pay attention, because I don't want miss getting handed the next clue. 

~b~

Randoms: From Turban Squashes to Robot Coffee Makers

This is Mr. Turban Squash.  We picked him up in Keremeos, BC at a roadside market.  He made his debut on Facebook when our van broke down in Golden.  When we finally arrived in Canmore, I took him for a walk and on a whim, decided to take his portrait:

Mr. Turban Squash is watching the Canmore traffic drive by on an overcast fall day.

Opportunities

I decided to start saying yes to more opportunities outside of work that come my way and stop worrying about my career for a while.  Then my co-worker showed me a job posting which would basically be a lateral move into a position in Ottawa, but at a higher pay level.  I just found out I've been accepted in the selection process, so I guess I have some studying to do.

My friend Aaron and his band Victoria Awake are releasing an album called If You'll Have Me at the end of November.  I saw them play at Lydia's and am definitely looking forward to their CD release party.




Last week I was feeling a bit better so I worked on eating 5 small meals a day since I often can't eat a regular meal, or not at all in the evenings.  This week I'm going to figure out just how much I can reasonably do in a day.  I still want to enjoy life, despite my pain, but I can't push myself so hard that I make things worse.  I hope I am pleasantly surprised at just how much I can do.

My son told me that some guy predicted that it would be common for humans to marry robots in 2050.  I told him that if I'm still single by then, I'd like to marry a coffee maker.

If anyone knows of a nice single coffee maker that is available, send him my way.  

~b~

I hesitate

I hesitate to write this post, but my blog posts pile up in my head like a queue and if I want to blog about my awesome trip to Rockridge Canyon and my hilariously terrifying adventure down a zip line I'd better get this one posted.

On Sickness

For the past month and a half I have been sick with the worst sinus infection ever (it must be true, just look at the italics).  This means constant headaches, constant fevers and no energy.  After multiple trips to the doctor's offices and three different antibiotics, my head felt like it was going to explode at work, and my ear infection was so bad I couldn't fall asleep because my ears were ringing so loudly.  I am so thankful that my headache finally stopped before my trip to B.C. last week.  Since I got home from B.C I've been experiencing some pain that seems to get worse every day (to the point where I need to take T3's to get through the day).  It sucks to realize that I will probably be sick for a while, and to not know why I am in so much pain, or why my immune system is so crappy.

I've never been direct about my faith on my blog before, but I can't imaging going through this past year without it and I can't seem to get this post out of my head.  So if God or faith makes you squeemy, you might want to skip the next paragraph or two.

Last year about this time I shared with my community at Journeys things I was learning.  One of the verses I shared was Habukuk 3:17-19, which I admitted I really didn't understand.  But I can say now I get it.  Here is the lowdown on the passage:  Everything sucks.  There is nothing and no hope for a future and yet Habbi (as I like to call him) looks outside his circumstances and rejoices and is joyful in God.  Habbi says that God gives him strength, he's like a deer, he's able to go up high mountains.  (This whole rejoices and joyful in God seemed so ridiculous to me).

After a year full of panic attacks, surgery, depression, and lots of sickness, I can definitely say that the only thing that can get me through the darkest nights of my soul is God.  Looking at the wrong things, like my immediate circumstances only brought fear and despair.  I thought I was just being melodramatic, but fear and despair is simply the product of looking to myself for control over my immediate circumstances.  But when I look outside my circumstances to God I see he is in absolute control and I believe he has a plan for me.  Seeing my situation in this way brings me such peace and comfort and all I want to do is praise and glorify God.  And I don't think that I could write that last sentence truthfully, until I had experienced all the muck and yuck in this past year.

I wish I could wrap this post up nicely by saying how peppy and energetic I felt, but that'd be a lie.  So for Round 2, I am simply going to Be Still, which is probably the hardest thing to do as I am such a doer and achiever.  To me, this means living in the moment in each day.  It means trusting that I will have the strength to get through each day and not worry about getting through tomorrow, or the next day, or next week.  It means instead of feeling stuck, I just need to see what I can do with the energy and opportunities I have on a daily basis.

And so this is how I choose to respond while I wait to get my health back:

• Adjust my plan.  I still have things I want to achieve, and there's no reason why I should give up and do nothing, I just need to adjust my approach into teeny weeny little steps, until I am strong enough to run in leaps and bounds.  

• Steward wisely.  I think it is easier sometimes to live with "less" (money/time/energy), because you are forced to be responsible and being wasteful could be disastrous.  There is little room for error.  I don't have the luxury of wasting my time or energy, I need to be spending my energy on the most important things.  I'm just happy if I can work a full day and come home and be a good mom.

It is inevitable that sometime in our life we will go through some really hard struggles, but if there is anything I learnt from my dad it is that I can have ongoing health problems in my life and still laugh, love, and enjoy life

~b~

Dreams. I am Mother. Groceries. And Other Random Thoughts

Lately my dreams have featured background music.  Last night it was Martin Sexton.  It was definitely a great way to wake up.  I won't bore you or confuse you with the details of my dream, but it included some biblical imagery.  Sorta.  Instead of the lion and the lamb, it was the wolf and the gopher.

Here is what's been going on the last few days in my world:

This is my son and I.  He calls me Mother.  As in: Mother drives me to school in the morning.  Or, Mother is sitting on the couch with me watching TV.  (He was talking with my mom).  I feel so regal when he calls me Mother.

I'm pretty sure I promised him I wouldn't share this photo, but I love how happy he looks.

Yesterday we ate lunch together and he told me that one of the EA's was going to start a club.

"Oh really?"  I said,  "is it going to be a Manchester club?"

"Kinda" my son replied.  "It's going to be a hairy chest club".

"How is that anything to do with Manchester?"  I asked him.

"You know"  he said: "Man-Chest-Hair".

Ha!


Yesterday I went to Costco and they made a big deal of running over and getting some boxes to pack my items.  This is how they pack my stuff:

Box 1: Lotion, Cheese, Spinach.  Box 2: Meat, Creamer, Butter.

Then this morning I stopped at Sobeys and when I got home I unpacked a bag.  It contained one litre of milk and one can of tomato soup.

Must be the new trend in groceries.

I'd better stop this post, or I'll have nothing to write about tomorrow.

~b~

On Fear and Avoidance

Last night I started reading Woman Food and God (Geneen Roth).  She brings up the point that eating can be a way of bolting from ourselves, how we distance ourselves when reality isn't matching up to our expectations.

Bolting.  Avoidance.

This is something that I have just realized is my main coping mechanism.  It is one of those unhealthy coping mechanisms that worked for me when I was a child, but when I use it in adulthood it probably does more damage to myself than prevents hurt or pain.

There are so many ways that I try to avoid pain, or even the possibility of pain that it seems ingrained in my daily actions.  I use my phone to surf the web or text with a friend when I'm out in public, so that I can avoid feeling socially awkward, or even have to talk to the people around me.  I have no problem changing my route if I don't feel like talking to someone I see up ahead.  I develop my relationships only to a depth where I still feel safe and in control.  I spend more time daydreaming or reading than actually doing.

Geneen Roth explains how if we as adults believe the pain will kill us we are seeing through the eyes of our fragile self.  I believe that my actions ultimately stem out of my beliefs, but I also think that my actions affirm the beliefs I have about myself.  Running away gives strength to fear.  It affirms the belief that I can't handle things.  It gives power to the idea that I am too fragile or weak to handle the pain, hurt, or embarrassments of life.  It is affirming to myself an identity of weakness, fragility, and insecurity.

In Donald Millar's blog post today, he talks about experiencing pain because it allows for growth.  For what seems like too long, I have felt stuck and unable to move forward.  But I wonder now, if I need to leave behind the me that operates out of fear and avoidance.  Before I can begin the next chapter in life, I need to leave in this chapter the part of me that continually tells my self I am too weak to handle the hard stuff of life.


~b~

Friday Randoms

Three good shows that only lasted 2 seasons:

• Dead Like Me

• Pushing Daisy's

• Flight of the Conchords

Forever Ago I Got My Haircut:

As I bonus I got my hair curled (my stylist felt sorry for me because I wasn't feeling to great). I loved my curly hair!

Twitter

I've been trying to cut back on the amount of online reading I do because I'm convinced its promoting my short attention span and hindering a lack of deep thought. And then Steve Jobs resigned. I'm sick of being the last to hear breaking news. So I finally joined twitter. You can follow me @BeckySchurman, or even better, tell me your username so I can follow you.


My Son

One benefit of having a teenager that is taller than me is that he can now reach up high to places I can't reach. Sweet. He can also carry in more groceries into the apartment than me. The years of cooking him meals is finally paying off.

One drawback to having a teenage son is that he'll say things to me like: "I'll bring my fan in and waft it all over the place" (He is talking about wafting the smell of his stinky socks all over the apartment). Eww.


Binary Solo

I bought leisure passes this weekend for my son and I. It ended up costing $101.10. I'm pretty sure I remarked: Ooooh, binary numbers, to the cashier. I blame the end of this song for my dorky remark:

Have a great weekend!

~b~

Thoughts on Life - On being irreplaceable.

During Joel's funeral service at the beginning of June, I remember sitting there surrounded by sadness and realizing the unavoidable finality of death.  I sat there questioning the point of life and why we are given this time, this life.

And so this summer I have been thinking a lot.  Thoughts about living my life, knowing that someday I too will end my time on this side of eternity.

Here is one thought that have been thinking.

Where are you irreplaceable?

In certain relationships you are completely irreplaceable.  To your friends, your family and especially your children you are completely irreplaceable.  Invest in these relationships because it is where you will make the greatest impact.  Be intentional in what type of impact you will make.  Give them your time, your attention, and your best energy.  It is in these relationships that you will leave the biggest void when you are gone.

Prioritize these relationships above your career.  You are completely replaceable in your job.  There will always be somebody else to fill your position.  Even if you should accomplish something great in your career, it will eventually be forgotten, become obsolete, or overshadowed by the next best thing.  Besides, your coworkers will remember you for how you treated them and the memories you've shared, rather than the job that you did.  And your friends and family don't care about your job title or the salary you make.

For me, prioritizing my closest relationships over my career has meant saying no to potential job opportunities that don't fit well with raising my son.  It means setting limits on the amount of time and effort I spent in developing my own skills and knowledge.  It means that I make sure I am well rested,
and that I don't fill my days with so many tasks that I become stressed out.  I want to give to others all my good energy and patience, not my crabby, stressed out self.  It means me remembering that my actions influence those closest to me more than what I say or strive to be and that these actions are a result of where my focus is.  

I want the people closest to me to know that they are more important that the accomplishments I achieve.  I want to strive to become a person who lives out my values and beliefs, so that perhaps, these values will be imparted to those around me.  I want to be be remembered for my love of life, not the love of my work.



~b~

Friday Night Randoms

Lately I've been so busy hanging out with friends and enjoying the wonderful summer evenings that I haven't been been spending time thinking or writing.  So my brain is demanding some form of creative output and yet my mind is busy planning out next week camping trip.

My thinking is getting all jumbled up and I'm easily distracted.  I get songs getting stuck in my head.  I start making grocery lists and packing lists.  I imagine dragonfly farms in greenhouses manned by little children in safari hats.  And I try to create any type of order by categorizing things into lists.

I sound crazy.  I'm definitely ready for some time at the lake.

I hope to write some posts that have a bit of substance to them, but until then, in order to satiate my brain for the next few days, here is another list of randoms:


This would have been my favorite RUN (ONE)43 picture, had I not been focusing on the landscape in the background:

Semi racing, a new Saskatchewan sport.  

This one looks like an imminent disaster is about to happen.  And I just realized the horizon is all crooked.  

Look out for the van!!!!

My co-worker made a comment about my sexy butt this week.  I'm definitely going to be biking again in next year's RUN (ONE)43 ultra-marathon if I keep getting comments like that one!!


This morning my friend sent me a text before I was too coherent to read.  I thought it was about hot dogs and a policeman.  But it was actually about a hot policeman and a canine dog.  As she was looking out her window this morning she saw some punk kid running out of her garage.

When she told me that she opened the window and yelled:  Hey, you little fucker.  All I could imagine was her standing in her kitchen in an old house coat, with curlers in her hair, and a cigarette dangling from her mouth.  (Just to let you know, she doesn't look like that, my imagination just gets a little carried away sometimes all the time).


Ever since I heard Massey and the Fergusons played at Taste of Saskatchewan this weekend.  I can't get a certain song out of my head.  It's pretty much the same line.  Over.  And over.  And over again.  Please help.  Even so, I definitely enjoyed listening to a great show and might even "like" on Facebook.


For those of you who don't know me well, I am a huge introvert.  A friend posted this link on facebook a while ago on myths about introverts.  I couldn't agree more.


I'm heading up to see grandmere and grandpere this weekend.  I haven't seen them in a while, so I'm looking forward to the visit.  They've been married for over 70 years and I used to hope to have a marriage like theirs.  She's the excitable, energetic one, he's the solid quiet one.  They also aren't french.


My attention span seems to be getting shorter and shorter.  Perhaps I should be on twitter.


~b~

RUN (ONE)43

 
This past week I was apart of RUN(ONE)43 .  It's an ultra-marathon that started Thursday to raise awareness of the more than 143 million orphans in this world.  One kilometer for every million orphans, starting in North Battleford and ending in Saskatoon.

On Thursday I took the day off work and headed to North Battleford to take some pictures and cheer on the participants. 

North Battleford.  Day 1.  Hi Shae!!

I had the opportunity to meet an awesome couple who is also in the process of adopting.  They were part of the support crew the first two days are were incredibly encouraging as they cheered on the runners.  

  

On Saturday I was part of a cycling team.  My friends husband and brother in-law biked from North Battleford to Saskatoon, while the rest of us started in Langham.  

Saturday.  Day 3.

It was great to have the opportunity to participate and we loved stopping at the runners pit stops to hang out with the support crew during the morning.

I think we spend a little too much hanging out because going down Horsefly Alley in the heat of the day was tough.  However,  finishing the day was very rewarding and I'm looking forward to participating again next year.

Heidi and Ian running to the finish line.

 

The money raised will go  to support a couple who is currently in the adoption process as well as a baby home in South Africa and the Saskatoon Adoption Support Centre.  Check out the RUN143 website to find out more about this crazy ultra marathon, or to make a donation using the link at the top.

~b~

Eleven Randoms for Seven/Eleven

One

Lately when I've been coming home to a hot house, I remark to my son:  Boy, I'm hot . . . visually speaking . . .  

He has yet to respond.  hee hee hee

Two

I had big plans this summer to visit my brother in Mexico City, but a few unexpected expenses put a kibosh in those plans.  You really didn't need to know that I am now not going to Mexico City, I just wanted to write a sentence with the word kibosh in it.

Three

The back of my car has golf clubs, a life jacket, tennis rackets, and a bicycle pump.  We are definitely enjoying this warm season.  Also, I am too lazy to bring it all into the apartment.

Four

Over the July long weekend I read The Help by Kathryn Stockett and Emmanuels Veins by Ted Dekker.  I forgot how nice it is to spend a hot summer day getting lost inside a good story.  I also kept sneaking into the trailer to read more chapters of the book I was reading and would keep reading until I would hear people wonder where I had gone too.

Five

This is Gracie.  She lives on a farm near Cut Knife.  She is a cow who thinks she is a dog.  I guess that makes her a Dog-Cow.

Gracie the Dog-Cow from Cut Knife

Six

I love reading.  I just bought:  Room (Emma Donoghue), The Selected Works of T.S. Spivet (Reif Larson), Imperfect Birds (Anne Lamott) and the latest Inked Magazine, just because Ami James is in it.  I can't wait to get reading!


Seven

I'm a sucker for guys with tattoos.

Eight

I don't know if I blogged about it last year, but RUN 143 is happening this week.  It's an ultra-marathon that is raising money and awareness for adoption and the 143 million orphans in this world.  This year it is from North Battleford to Saskatoon   I'll try and blog about this more this week.

Nine

My son told me that he has a rhyming phrase that describes me:  Your loud and your proud. . .  at least I think your proud.

I'm not too sure how to take this.

Ten

Every time we drive over the Broadway Bridge towards home, we wave to my friends who happen to live in an apartment overlooking the Victoria Bridge.  I don't even think they could see us if they looked out their window, but we always send happy thoughts their way.  We once had a bicyclist turn to look over his shoulder to see what we were waving at.  Ha!

Eleven

This is my 250th blog post.  Pretty profound and insightful, hey?


~b~