07 June 2009

Now What


The past few weeks have been filled with a few notable events.  I finally finished my degree and convocated last week.  And I turned thirty.  And then I gave my notice to my landlord.  I just want to live in a place that I can feel I can spend the next two years at and provide a good home for my family.  

Right now I am living in uncertainty that I will find another place in this area, so my son can attend the same elementary school and where my dog will be allowed to live with us.  To complicate matters, I need to get away.  I need to leave Saskatoon.  I need to go somewhere new.  I need to explore, to experience, I need to travel.  So I'm packing everything up, and throwing it in storage, and hopefully before I leave, or when I get back I will be able to find a good place to live.

I feel like I'm playing Yahtzee and didn't like any of my dice, so I threw all my dice back into the cup and gave it a big, big shake.

And now I'm waiting for the dice to fall out to see what will happen.  All the while, I am suppressing the panic which wants to rise to the surface and cry out: What have I done?  

I just wish I could feel excited about the unknown.  Excited for the chance at new possibilities, the chance for a change, but there's something to be said about the safety and security of things that remain constant.

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