Thoughts from my Trip

I love road trips and driving on the highway.  I'm not sure if its the endless highway, the passing landscape, the open sky above me, or simply following along the yellow lines, but I always come away with a deeper understanding of something.

While I happen to love road trips, I absolutely hate passing.  However, I really don't like following other cars, they slow me down, and I like to be in front, ahead of the pack.  This means it is necessary for me to pass from time to time.  

Now, when it comes time for me to pass, I start to worry.  What if a car hits me headlong?  What if I can't pass before a car reaches me?  What if I get stuck passing when the solid line comes?  What if I misjudge the speed of the oncoming car?  What if I floor the accelerator and my car doesn't pick up fast enough?  Phew, it begins to wear me out.  I have let a few bad experiences govern my emotions, which now makes me feel worried and anxious the moment I realize I am bearing down on some car.  I could be kilometers away and spot a vehicle far ahead, and the worry and anxiety will begin.

So as I was driving I realized that it was pointless to start worrying the minute I spotted a car far off in the distance.  So I stopped.  I just wouldn't look at how far the car was away or how fast I was approaching it.  Instead I looked out the window at the sky and the clouds and the trees and the fields and the farmhouses.  I cranked the radio and sang my heart out.  I enjoyed the present, being in the moment.  Because as soon as it came time for me to pass a car something different always happened.  Sometimes the cars would slow down and turn off the highway.  Sometimes I got lucky and passed a few vehicles at a time.  Sometimes there was a lot of oncoming traffic and I would have to wait awhile before I could pass.  At one point I realized that a semi was barreling towards me on my side of the highway and there was no way it was going to be able to pass in time.  So I just slowed down and pulled off towards the side of the road.  And later I realized, in a detached sort of way, that I had just encountered my worst situation and I realized that at that moment I didn't panic or worry, I just reacted and kept driving.

And then I realized that I don't just worry about passing cars, I worry about everything.  What will I do this year?  Should I move?  If I do, will I find a good place to rent?  Where should I go this summer?  But really, even if any of these decisions will be made, they aren't happening now, because they are in the future.  Worrying and trying to plan for things in the future can be futile, especially when I won't know what my circumstances or situation will be when it is time to make a decision.  It seems so obvious, now.  So I think I'd rather live more in the moment and enjoy all the little details which make me happy, because when I am worrying my mind is elsewhere and I can barely see the little joys within my day.