Where I'm At . . .

I always feel a little bit insecure when I write these personal posts, but I'm going to write it anyway and then hit Publish Post, before I can stop myself.

Earlier this week I was asked the question:  Where do you see yourself in 5 years?  I have to admit, I gave a pretty lame answer.  Mostly in part because I honestly don't know and I didn't want to throw out a bunch of buzz words that sound good, but mean nothing.  It is this exact question that I have been wrestling with for the past couple of months.

To tell you where I'm at right now, I have to start at the beginning.  Without getting into too many details, the beginning started way back when I was a young single mom-to-be who was determined to not be just another statistic.  That statistic that if I "kept" my son I would most likely not have a university education or even my grade 12 and I would likely live on welfare for the rest of my life.  So you could say that the past ten years for me has been my response to not being just another statistic.  And it has been a reflection of my determination to being a good mom and providing a great home and life for my son.

I did this by working hard to establish myself by pursuing my education and advancing myself through my career.  At the same time, I raised my boy into the son I love today.  And I lived my life to the fullest by traveling, making great friendships, and by just having fun.  Just over a year ago I finally accomplished my goals that took so long for me to achieve.  I have a diploma, a university degree, and a great job that pays my bills and gives me some stability.

I then spent the better half of last year sleeping and recovering from burnout.  And when I emerged from hibernation I set out to discover all the joys that you can pursue when you have your whole evening to do whatever you want to do.  I started blogging and just writing in general.  I bought my d90 and have loved learning how to become a better photographer.  I started making fancy meals and appetizers, and baking, because making food for people makes me happy.  And I started to figure myself out a bit.  Things like what makes me really, truly happy.  What motivates me, what gives me my excitement and energy.  I started to think about how I wanted to live my life and what kind of legacy I wanted to leave behind.

But . . . every time I asked myself: Where do I want to be in 10 years?  I didn't have an answer.  And it's not for a lack of initiative.  It's a lack of direction and vision.  I have always been the type of person to not settle for mediocrity.  I'm competitive and I want to be the best at whatever I do.  I know I have this intrinsic drive in me that will make the necessary sacrifices to get to what I want to accomplish.  Because I am like this, I do not want to spent the next part of my life chasing the wrong goal.  I do not want my time and energy and life to be wasted on chasing the wrong thing.

So, to be honest, I don't have an answer to the question.  For a while it bothered me that I was wasting so much time by not setting out to achieve something, so I set mini 6 month goals which are finishing up soon.  If I could sum up last year it would be:  when you do nothing, nothing will happen.  And so this year I have started trying new things, and making little changes.  I believe that regardless of whether I'm heading in the right direction or not, trying new things will ultimately provide me with just the clarity I need.  And I feel that any step I take now just might put me on the cusp of the next big thing.

~b~